Learning to Sit Still...

I've never been good at sitting.  Even now that I'm "grown up," I'm rarely able to sit without crossing and uncrossing my legs, or tapping a foot, or at least twisting and turning around in my chair to see what's going on around me.  Anyone who's seen me at work can testify that I'm not one to stay seated at one desk, but am usually bouncing around the classroom to help any kid that even looks the slightest bit lost.  It's not always that I'm eager to help everyone.  Sometimes it's just that I'd rather be on my feet.


One of my reasons for coming to Peru was that I didn't want to spend the summer "sitting."  Last year I found a job that, at best, was somewhat challenging, but didn't give me a whole lot to do over all, and left me with rather empty stretches of time when nothing was going on.  I felt like a lot of my time was wasted last summer, and I didn't want that to happen again.  Sparing myself the grief of looking for a GOOD six week job was just a big bonus.


So I'm here in Peru, expecting that I will be kept busy, constantly going places and doing things.  That's what the missionfield is, right?  At least I should be kept captivated and interested by the difference in the culture, and what I see around me.


That's not exactly been the case.  There's been church, outreach, Bible college.  I've been to a wedding, and I've gone with a friend to see the ocean.  It's not that I've had nothing to do.  But during the day I'm finding big gaps of free time.  I can't just hop in my car and go someplace.  I can't just pick up the phone and call or text someone.  So I have a lot of time to sit, and think, and read, and pray.  It's funny, really.  One of the reasons God brought me here was to force me to be still.


I'm learning a lot.  I'm gaining a vision for Bible college in the fall.  A specific message really answered one of my biggest issues.  P. Stan spoke at a ladies' Bible study yesterday about laying what we have on the altar.  He said that God doesn't want us to lay what we have down because it's precious.  The gift isn't more precious than the altar.  It's when it's ON the altar that it finally becomes worth something.  It's hard to lay things down and then let God take them.  I so desire to always have control.  I've found that nothing I do works, though.  When I strive for the thing I want, I have no peace and no satisfaction.  When I avoid that thing like the plague, thinking that it's the right thing to do, I'm really no more giving it up than when I was reaching for it.  The thing to do is to place it in the hands of God and then just let Him do what He wants without my interference.  It's not an easy thing to do, but it's the best thing.  Here in Peru, the problems and struggles that I had in the U.S. have not gone away or lessened.  But maybe I just needed to learn to rest.


I'm not completely worry free.  My money worries aren't gone, my heart struggles haven't relented.  I'm not suddenly 10 years older spiritually.  But I'm here, I'm resting, I'm learning, I'm growing.  I'm Martha being turned into Mary.  God's personally got some work to do in me, and if the whole reason I came to South America was so that I would hold still long enough allow Him to do that, then I'm OK with that.


Mis palabras en español para hoy: Espera en Dios.